Love Me For Me
Hi Everyone,
Do any of you like Cher Lloyd? I LOVE her music! She's got such an attitude yet at the same time can sing beautiful, ballad like songs as well. Her song Love Me For Me has been something I've been playing on repeat the last few days...as well as her songs Oath and End Up Here. Love Me For Me and Oath are kind of opposites of each other and I'm pretty sure that we've all been on both sides at one point in our lives.
I've been incredibly blessed to have had a close friend or two through each part in my life, but for whatever reason I've, also, lost quite a few. It can't help, but make me feel like there's something wrong with me even though looking back on the friends I've lost, I can't come up with, but a handful of times I could've done something different. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I'm perfect by any means, but in general I'd consider myself a good friend and honestly, sometimes too good of friend which maybe has been part of my problem. Yes, it is possible to be too good of friend...when you tend to be a people pleaser and let people walk all over you/take advantage of you you'll only end up getting hurt and when you finally stand up for yourself, some people are so surprised that they then decide to accuse you of being mean and sometimes in turn pull away. I've learned this the hard way a few times and am still working on it.
I'm not saying it's not ok to return good for evil and kill people with kindness, but sometimes you end up killing the friendship and not the person's bad behavior. Of course, if people are continually treating you poorly, then they probably aren't really your friends in the first place, but knowing we all make mistakes, it's natural to give people second, third, and maybe fourth chances instead of just cutting off the friendship the first time you have a fight.
I'm no expert at all of this, as like I said, I'm still learning when to stand up for myself and when to just let it go, but I can say that with each friendship I've had I've learned something new about myself and about how relationships are supposed to work. This past year and a half I'd say, I've really learned when enough is enough, yet it's not always easy. My boss, once told me, that the thing he loves and hates about me most is the fact that I tend to try and please everyone and although it's good for many reason he's, also, seen me get hurt because of it and he hates that. Since he said that, even though I had been working on this beforehand, I've been praying more often for God to help me get to the point where this is more of a strength rather than weakness, instead of more of a medium, like it is now.
There are somethings that get better with time...like wine for instance...however, problems in relationships don't, and the longer you let things go, the longer it'll take to fix them when they are brought up. Now I'm not saying you should confront people about every little thing they do that bothers you because that's just petty and rude, but if it's a major issue, it's better to get it out in the open sooner than later. Partly because if the issue is with someone who truly values your friendship they'll try and fix it with you, and if not, well, then you'll learn that they're not really your friend hopefully before too much damage is done. It's, also, partly because the longer you wait, the more hazy details become, and it might be harder to fix the issue if you just have vague details about what's been bothering you.
As the years have come and gone, I've learned more and more that it's better to have a few close/true friends than a bunch of fake ones. Sometimes, it's hard to know who's in your life to stay for the long run and who is just temporary, but I guess that's the way it is with most things in life, huh? Often times, we don't realize who our fake friends are until it's too late and something blows up in our face. Unless the person is just focused on themselves and their problems when you talk/visit, seem to just contact you when they need something or only want to hang out/talk to you when all their friends have plans and they're "stuck with you," than it's really hard to tell sometimes. I'm really thankful for the people in my life who have seen me at my worst and best and stick around anyways, who tell me what I need to hear and not what I want to hear, who I can be completely myself with, and who I can talk about everything and nothing with...if you find someone like that,. trust me, they're the real deal!
I got a book the other day, and haven't got to far in it yet, but it's called Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend and looks like it'll be really helpful. I think no matter how strong you think your relationships are with the people in your life and how well you think you are at putting boundaries up, that it'd be worth your time to read it.
I hope this post finds you with at least one true friend and that if you have friends who you suspect aren't truly your friends after all, that you have the courage to cut them out of your life, no matter how painful it is.
Enjoy the rest of your week!
Until Next Time,
<3Abi
Do any of you like Cher Lloyd? I LOVE her music! She's got such an attitude yet at the same time can sing beautiful, ballad like songs as well. Her song Love Me For Me has been something I've been playing on repeat the last few days...as well as her songs Oath and End Up Here. Love Me For Me and Oath are kind of opposites of each other and I'm pretty sure that we've all been on both sides at one point in our lives.
I've been incredibly blessed to have had a close friend or two through each part in my life, but for whatever reason I've, also, lost quite a few. It can't help, but make me feel like there's something wrong with me even though looking back on the friends I've lost, I can't come up with, but a handful of times I could've done something different. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I'm perfect by any means, but in general I'd consider myself a good friend and honestly, sometimes too good of friend which maybe has been part of my problem. Yes, it is possible to be too good of friend...when you tend to be a people pleaser and let people walk all over you/take advantage of you you'll only end up getting hurt and when you finally stand up for yourself, some people are so surprised that they then decide to accuse you of being mean and sometimes in turn pull away. I've learned this the hard way a few times and am still working on it.
I'm not saying it's not ok to return good for evil and kill people with kindness, but sometimes you end up killing the friendship and not the person's bad behavior. Of course, if people are continually treating you poorly, then they probably aren't really your friends in the first place, but knowing we all make mistakes, it's natural to give people second, third, and maybe fourth chances instead of just cutting off the friendship the first time you have a fight.
I'm no expert at all of this, as like I said, I'm still learning when to stand up for myself and when to just let it go, but I can say that with each friendship I've had I've learned something new about myself and about how relationships are supposed to work. This past year and a half I'd say, I've really learned when enough is enough, yet it's not always easy. My boss, once told me, that the thing he loves and hates about me most is the fact that I tend to try and please everyone and although it's good for many reason he's, also, seen me get hurt because of it and he hates that. Since he said that, even though I had been working on this beforehand, I've been praying more often for God to help me get to the point where this is more of a strength rather than weakness, instead of more of a medium, like it is now.
There are somethings that get better with time...like wine for instance...however, problems in relationships don't, and the longer you let things go, the longer it'll take to fix them when they are brought up. Now I'm not saying you should confront people about every little thing they do that bothers you because that's just petty and rude, but if it's a major issue, it's better to get it out in the open sooner than later. Partly because if the issue is with someone who truly values your friendship they'll try and fix it with you, and if not, well, then you'll learn that they're not really your friend hopefully before too much damage is done. It's, also, partly because the longer you wait, the more hazy details become, and it might be harder to fix the issue if you just have vague details about what's been bothering you.
As the years have come and gone, I've learned more and more that it's better to have a few close/true friends than a bunch of fake ones. Sometimes, it's hard to know who's in your life to stay for the long run and who is just temporary, but I guess that's the way it is with most things in life, huh? Often times, we don't realize who our fake friends are until it's too late and something blows up in our face. Unless the person is just focused on themselves and their problems when you talk/visit, seem to just contact you when they need something or only want to hang out/talk to you when all their friends have plans and they're "stuck with you," than it's really hard to tell sometimes. I'm really thankful for the people in my life who have seen me at my worst and best and stick around anyways, who tell me what I need to hear and not what I want to hear, who I can be completely myself with, and who I can talk about everything and nothing with...if you find someone like that,. trust me, they're the real deal!
I got a book the other day, and haven't got to far in it yet, but it's called Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend and looks like it'll be really helpful. I think no matter how strong you think your relationships are with the people in your life and how well you think you are at putting boundaries up, that it'd be worth your time to read it.
I hope this post finds you with at least one true friend and that if you have friends who you suspect aren't truly your friends after all, that you have the courage to cut them out of your life, no matter how painful it is.
Enjoy the rest of your week!
Until Next Time,
<3Abi
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