I Want My Roar Back
Hello All,
As I believe I previously mentioned since last August of 2017 I've been constantly dizzy and not myself. I worked part time from sometime that month til Thanksgiving week of that year when I felt pretty much 100%...though on and off I had to take a day or two off due to dizzy spells. Come this August I've been out of work completely because I've been dealing with the same thing and no answers as to why....as you can imagine this has taken a toll on me. I'm mentally, physically, and emotionally beyond drained. I've been fighting a panic attack all day pretty much and I just want to sleep, and wake up and have this all be a horrid nightmare.
The thing that kills me the most is that the people that have met me in the last year and half or so don't even know the "real" me. Sure they know parts of me, but they know broken me.....they know the me that cries in doctors offices, can't remember anything, has a short fuse, is introverted, goes to bed early, doesn't like loud noises, is constantly stressing, has daily panic attacks, can't even check a mouse trap, has nightmares almost every night, is constantly asking for help because I can't do things on my own, etc. Normal me only cries at movies and tv shows never at the doctors, normal me has an insanely great memory, normal me has learned over the years to pick her battles (at least most of the time, I'm not perfect), normal me is 100% an extrovert, normal me occasionally goes to bed early, but not often, normal me doesn't me doesn't mind loud noises, normal me, doesn't often stress because stressing doesn't change the outcome of the situation just feelings about it while you're stressing, normal me hasn't had a panic attack in years, normal me doesn't like mice, but is brave, normal me just has crazy dreams not nightmares, and normal me, asks for help but tries to do it myself first because I'm fiercely independent etc.
Normal me sounds a lot more fun, am I right? The best part, is that my boyfriend has only been dating me for six months so how he wants me when he only knows boring me I will never understand. haha! I must have let normal out just enough that he decided to stick it out...or maybe he stalked my social media and saw it for himself! Either way I'm glad he did. Though that's not the point I'm trying to make here...the point is, we all have two sides, well really more than that, but just go with it....you may not like parts of who you are (physically or inwardly), but that doesn't mean you should disregard yourself completely. You are beautiful and worth it! That is not to say there are not areas we can improve on, all of us have those areas, but don't nitpick ever little piece of yourself to the point that you change into someone you're not. I can't wait to get back to the woman I was when I first moved out. I was brave and let myself rise from the ashes of who I didn't want to be and I'm really proud of who I became because of it...even if it'll take a bit to get my roar back I am so ready to get back to that woman because she was freaking awesome.
Know that no matter what you are going through today, this week, or if you're like me, this entire year, God is for you. It may feel as if your world is crumbling and as if nothing will turn around in you favor, but it will. I'm not sure how, and I'm not sure when, but I believe that He doesn't allow His children to go through anything without a purpose...maybe that purpose is just to draw us closer to Him, but that is reason enough, I truly believe that. It is a struggle. As a human, I understand, but I'm trying each day...even without answers...even when I can't get out of bed because I'm so nauseous and dizzy and have a migraine so bad I can't open my eyes...even when I'm mid panic attack....MAY HIS PRAISE EVER BE ON MY LIPS!
This life is a struggle, and it will be awhile before I'm back to my old self, but as long as I keep trying to find the positive in the midst of it all, in the midst of tears streaming down my face, I know that my spunk isn't fully gone and that gives me hope! I'm not dead yet and that's what matters! God's not done with me yet, and if you are reading this He's not done with you either. Whatever you are going through, you and God have got this!
Until Next Time!
<3Abigail
As I believe I previously mentioned since last August of 2017 I've been constantly dizzy and not myself. I worked part time from sometime that month til Thanksgiving week of that year when I felt pretty much 100%...though on and off I had to take a day or two off due to dizzy spells. Come this August I've been out of work completely because I've been dealing with the same thing and no answers as to why....as you can imagine this has taken a toll on me. I'm mentally, physically, and emotionally beyond drained. I've been fighting a panic attack all day pretty much and I just want to sleep, and wake up and have this all be a horrid nightmare.
The thing that kills me the most is that the people that have met me in the last year and half or so don't even know the "real" me. Sure they know parts of me, but they know broken me.....they know the me that cries in doctors offices, can't remember anything, has a short fuse, is introverted, goes to bed early, doesn't like loud noises, is constantly stressing, has daily panic attacks, can't even check a mouse trap, has nightmares almost every night, is constantly asking for help because I can't do things on my own, etc. Normal me only cries at movies and tv shows never at the doctors, normal me has an insanely great memory, normal me has learned over the years to pick her battles (at least most of the time, I'm not perfect), normal me is 100% an extrovert, normal me occasionally goes to bed early, but not often, normal me doesn't me doesn't mind loud noises, normal me, doesn't often stress because stressing doesn't change the outcome of the situation just feelings about it while you're stressing, normal me hasn't had a panic attack in years, normal me doesn't like mice, but is brave, normal me just has crazy dreams not nightmares, and normal me, asks for help but tries to do it myself first because I'm fiercely independent etc.
Normal me sounds a lot more fun, am I right? The best part, is that my boyfriend has only been dating me for six months so how he wants me when he only knows boring me I will never understand. haha! I must have let normal out just enough that he decided to stick it out...or maybe he stalked my social media and saw it for himself! Either way I'm glad he did. Though that's not the point I'm trying to make here...the point is, we all have two sides, well really more than that, but just go with it....you may not like parts of who you are (physically or inwardly), but that doesn't mean you should disregard yourself completely. You are beautiful and worth it! That is not to say there are not areas we can improve on, all of us have those areas, but don't nitpick ever little piece of yourself to the point that you change into someone you're not. I can't wait to get back to the woman I was when I first moved out. I was brave and let myself rise from the ashes of who I didn't want to be and I'm really proud of who I became because of it...even if it'll take a bit to get my roar back I am so ready to get back to that woman because she was freaking awesome.
Know that no matter what you are going through today, this week, or if you're like me, this entire year, God is for you. It may feel as if your world is crumbling and as if nothing will turn around in you favor, but it will. I'm not sure how, and I'm not sure when, but I believe that He doesn't allow His children to go through anything without a purpose...maybe that purpose is just to draw us closer to Him, but that is reason enough, I truly believe that. It is a struggle. As a human, I understand, but I'm trying each day...even without answers...even when I can't get out of bed because I'm so nauseous and dizzy and have a migraine so bad I can't open my eyes...even when I'm mid panic attack....MAY HIS PRAISE EVER BE ON MY LIPS!
This life is a struggle, and it will be awhile before I'm back to my old self, but as long as I keep trying to find the positive in the midst of it all, in the midst of tears streaming down my face, I know that my spunk isn't fully gone and that gives me hope! I'm not dead yet and that's what matters! God's not done with me yet, and if you are reading this He's not done with you either. Whatever you are going through, you and God have got this!
Until Next Time!
<3Abigail
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